I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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