Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
