I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
