If i come over, it means nothing
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
