proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
