I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
