the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
