So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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