just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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