I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
