whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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