i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
