I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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