He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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