Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
