I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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