Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
