grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
