Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
