I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
