I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
