Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
