just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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