Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
