I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
