____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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