so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
