is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
