Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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