He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
