You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
