So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
