i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
