I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
