I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
