Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
