dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Enjoy the penises
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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