someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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