He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
