those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
