tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
