Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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