But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
