He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
