So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
