dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
