He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
