hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
