when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
