You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
